The Writer's Angst

Angst is a powerful word. I prefer it to worry, anguish or torment. It sounds like a word that belongs to the struggling…you fill in the blank. I can’t use angst to describe my emotions when I write. That word belongs to much loftier writers than I will ever claim to be. James Joyce was the king of angst. He spent days anguishing over just the right word for his sentence.

Regardless, I do suffer from angst, not while I write, but the minute I type The End. Angst attacks and invades my brain like a possessive demon. I totally fall apart. First, my angst questions the worthiness of my manuscript. It’s not good enough. No one will read it. Trash it, all thoughts that rage in my head. That’s when I turn to my critique partner who assures me that it’s great. Not great, as in the next great American novel, but great enough.

My next bout with angst comes when I submit my first three chapters to my publisher. Four weeks after my submission, I expect to hear back asking for the entire manuscript. I have a timeline. If they don’t meet it, I’m thrown into the depths of hell. “I knew it. They hate it,” I wail to my critique partner. An entire week of cake and cookies has passed, feeding my angst. I finally get the request for my manuscript, only to have angst strike again when I think they’re going to pass on publishing my work. I hate that phrase “Unfortunately, we’re going to have to pass at this time.” Does that mean they’ll take it next week? My angst doesn’t end until I have the contract in hand.

It’s over you say. No. It’s only begun. My next bout begins as soon as the final edit is returned to the publisher. I’m beginning to hate this book. Marketing…this is where angst grows to mammoth proportions. Selling myself is not high on my like-to-do list. I feel like a prostitute beating my drum for readers. I won’t even say it’s limited to Facebook because I’m all over the place. I stand on the corner of Twitter and WordPress if anyone’s interested. I do everything that’s required. I attend book signings. I tweet. And I blog. All creating greater angst. 

And then, we have the rankings and reviews. Hours, days are spent dissecting these dreaded author haters. I stand in judgment as they strip me of my confidence. It’s only when I get a good review that I can raise my head and stare the beast in the eye.

The worst is when a friend or family member informs me that they’re reading my book. Angst goes through the roof when I hear this. I feign a contagious disease to avoid the holiday dinner. Anything is better than listening to them dissect the book I bled over.

Writing is a roller coaster of angst. It’s a good thing I like the word.

 

First published on Southern Writers Magazine: Suite T

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Patricia Hudson was born in Wales, U.K. As a young girl she moved to America with her family and currently resides on a small horse farm in central Illinois, with her husband, David, two dogs, and her beloved quarter horse. She has written seven books: Stolen Hearts released in 2013. The Call, Love on the Double T, Love's Deception, and The Exchange to be published in 2014. Also in production are The Circle, and Jana Morgan, PI. Join her on www.facebook.com/AuthorPHudson Tweet on www.twitter.com@AuthorPHudson
Read her blogs on http://patriciahudson1011.wordpress.com

Southern Writers: Suite T: The Writer’s Angst

Southern Writers: Suite T: The Writer’s Angst: By Patricia Hudson Angst is a powerful word. I prefer it to worry, anguish or torment. It sounds like a word that belongs to the s...

Both are now available on Amazon.

The Call: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=node%3D154606011&field-keywords=The+Call+by+Patricia+Hudson

Stolen Hearts: http://www.amazon.com/Stolen-Hearts-Pat-Hudson-ebook/dp/B00E3LMF7I/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1399585809&sr=1-2&keywords=Stolen+Hearts

 

 

Ranked #63 in Amazon Hot New Releases in Paranormal/Witches

 ·  ·

The Call. Released 5/3/14

Is it witchcraft or madness? Angharad Jones heeds the call and relocates to Wales hoping to discover her heritage. She is unprepared for the battle of power unleashed upon her arrival. Angharad, a successful author, seeks answers to explain the visions plaguing her since childhood. In a drastic move to uncover the mystery behind her visions, Angharad moves to Wales, the one place her mother refuses to talk about. While renting a cottage in Fishguard, she meets Rhyse Williams, the handsome Chief Inspector, who is investigating the death of two students found naked and bound together on the beach below the cliffs surrounding the village; the same two students in Angharad’s vision. Their attraction to one another is immediate and intense, but can she trust Rhyse or will he run for the hills when she tells him about her visions. It is all unleashed when Angharad discovers that Rhyse is part of the call. Are they destined for love or betrayal? Murders are uncovered, spells are cast and love is found. The battle of power between good and evil begins.  


A small taste from The Call Upon reaching the top of the hill, she discovered a wide expanse of yellowing sea grass that stretched to the cliffs overlooking the Atlantic. Her lungs expanded as she breathed in the scent of the ocean. The tall grass rustled in the wind as Angharad ran, driven toward her destination. Despite being fearful of heights, she stood at the edge of the cliff, unable to tear herself away, riveted by the ocean’s majestic power. She watched the ocean crash against the rocks below, creating swirls of white caps. Its strength and fury left her in awe. The tide was in, covering all signs of the beach that lay below the crashing waves. Without warning, her headache roared in her skull, much like the waves crashing below, and she dropped to her knees, holding her head in agony. She swayed back and forth, her head riddled with pain, until the vision came. The face of a woman, in her mid-thirties, with long, curly, dark hair appeared in her mind. Her blue eyes set in a heart-shaped face stared vacantly as she floated in the sea her hair splayed around her. Angharad cried out as she recognized the similarity between the woman and her own appearance. It was as though she looked in a mirror. Holding her head, she began to sob uncontrollably. Tears splashed to her knees as she rocked back and forth. Maybe she saw herself in death. Whatever it was, she had a sense of overwhelming grief and screamed, the sound carried out to sea by the wind. Were her visions manifesting into her own reality? Absorbed in the memory of what she’d seen, she jumped when a hand touch her elbow. “Miss, may I help you? What are you doing on the cliffs?” She turned to the voice and exhaled a breath, relieved she was not yet lost to the madness of her mind. The stranger appeared concerned and held her steady as he helped her to her feet. When she opened her mouth to thank him, her words blew away with the wind. He led her down the path to his car, gently helping her into the front seat. Still struggling for awareness, she let the stranger drive her away.

Hot, hot, hot off the press, pick up your copy of The Call.

http://www.amazon.com/Call-Patricia-Hudson-ebook/dp/B00K2FB0VQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1399260507&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Call


About Patricia Hudson   Patricia Hudson was born in Wales, U.K. As a young girl she moved to America with her family and currently resides on a small horse farm in central Illinois, with her husband, David, two dogs, and her beloved quarter horse.

She has written seven books: Stolen Hearts released in 2013. The Call, Love on the Double T, Love’s Deception, and The Exchange to be published in 2014. Also in production are The Circle, and Jana Morgan, PI.

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